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Cocktails for Inauguration
Bye Don!
We knew it would be bad. We wept into our drinks at the coronation, hoping for correction. We drowned our sorrows during the impeachment, seeking repair. And here we are. After four years of the world’s most high stakes reality show, we sit quaking in our corners, in masks and soft pants, mainlining carbs, and singing sea shanties. Everything is broken, and nothing is given. Inauguration day, 2021, will be one for the books.
The white supremacists and their windbag king have made a dry January impossible, so here is a menu of cocktails to get you through. Gather up those last shreds of will, scare up a little hope, and let’s get on with it. Courage!
Corpse Reviver 21
A version of the reviver to wake us from this nightmare, select your favorite bubbles (prosecco, champagne, Sprite), grab a sunny citrus, seek a shaft of light (if you can find one), and furtively sip (if it’s before noon Wednesday, they may be watching) while quietly chanting “deliver us from evil.”
The Loser
If you can stomach it, a ritual swallow to purge the worst, get it all up and out. Twelve cans of Diet Coke, with a chaser of bleach.
